Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
