Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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