If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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