Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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