I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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