oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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