Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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