She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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