Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Drunk is not a location!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
