so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
