halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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