Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
