I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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