I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
