He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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