As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
