1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
