I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
