We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
