Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
