Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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