Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
