I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
