i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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