my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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