I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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