There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
