biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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