Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
