Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
