my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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