I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
