I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
