just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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