My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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