i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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