You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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