i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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