The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
