True but thats because hes a fetus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
tell me about the eggs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
