Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
