Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
