Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
