did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
