I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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