Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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