hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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