1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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