Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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