Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
