You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just googled if crying burns calories
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
