i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
