i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
