Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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