Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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