hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
