i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
