We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
