You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
